Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
