My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
