I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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