Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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