mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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