My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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