Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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