ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.

  Fav 1 1108 1138

  share tweet
  

• (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

  Fav 26 7698 1452

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.

  Fav 8 3671 1009

  share tweet
  

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Fav 47 14575 1790

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.

  Fav 1 703 1636

  share tweet
  

• (949): View more from California

  I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

  (949): View more from California

  In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

  Fav 7 1598 724

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.

  Fav 4 1302 1885

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT

  Fav 4 1224 876

  share tweet
  

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT

  Fav 0 780 524

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me

  Fav 1 798 455

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.

  Fav 1 701 629

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.

  Fav 1 1046 862

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die

  Fav 2 868 682

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b

  Fav 0 278 347

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.

  Fav 0 81 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize