Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
