i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
