It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
