You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
