She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
