so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
