Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
