if only i could text you this smell
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
