if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
