Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
