the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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