Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
