I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
