i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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