I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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