i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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