found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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