he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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