hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
