i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
