What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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