She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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