There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
last night I used snow as a chaser
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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