Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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