Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
