Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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