South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
