My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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