you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
