all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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