Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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