Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
