We're facebook friends in real life
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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