You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
