hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
