Just fell off a train. Bad.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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