If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
