I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
