how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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