Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
