3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
