Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
