just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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