my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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