if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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