im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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