Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
