she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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