The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
