I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
