god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
