Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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