I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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